A Mother’s Love

Joie finally gets her Mother’s love.

a mother's love at zen results by ts hallJoie was driving to meet Mick. She was getting a spiritual reading to sort out her confusion. She was very confused about her next steps after her Mom’s visit.

Waves of memories and feelings flooded Joie’s consciousness after her Mother visited. She’d pushed these memories into the farthest corners of her mind years earlier.

Touching the vibration of her Mother’s Spirit, Joie was struck by the difference she felt.  It definitely felt like Mamma, but more loving and peaceful. Being free from the constraints of her physical body changed Joie’s Mom. In addition to being loving and at peace, her Mamma looked younger, a lot younger.

A Mother’s love, if you build it, she will come

Joie’s mind flashed to the movie, Field of Dreams. The part when Ray asked his Dad, as a young man, to have a catch. If you build it, he will come. Joie had worked hard at controlling her mind; little did she know her hard work would result in a visit from her Mamma.

Adding to her confusion were the events of her dinner with Samuel. The night Joie’s Mom stopped by, Samuel had crashed early and left her a note asking her join him for dinner at home the next night. When she got home, he was giddy like a little boy on Christmas Eve, anticipating Santa’s visit.

Samuel greeted Joie with a big kiss and a glass of Champagne. They toasted Zen Golf. Then they toasted Zen Sex. Samuel’s last toast was to his imminent win at his company golf tournament in Vegas the next Saturday.

A romantic dinner with one catch

Samuel served dinner. He was a good cook, but not as good as he imagined himself to be. The meal was thoughtful. He prepared her favorites: fried chicken tenders (unaware no self-respecting Southerner ever served tenders as an entrée), accompanied by candied yams, cornbread, and unsweetened iced tea (yuk). Banana pudding was for dessert, but the pudding was from a box. The menu would make Paula Deen proud. But his execution was dry and flavorless. Or was it her distraction about the impending conversation with Samuel making Joie’s palate so critical.

Samuel’s agenda for the evening had him sharing his dream in the living room over port and truffles. Joie didn’t point out that port and truffles weren’t part of the traditional Southern meal. Why spoil his grand romantic gesture? Their first date ended with port and truffles at a cigar bar in Newport Beach.

Her fear and anxiety were 5 by 5

a mother's love by ts hall — the stoic mediumJoie pulled into Mick’s office parking lot. Her fear and anxiety were five by five. She needed answers to get her emotions back in control.

The resurfacing of her “Revival Summer” memories had Joie’s emotions in turmoil. It felt like she was driving a bumper car and getting pummeled from all sides at once. Joie had barely slept the past several nights, not knowing what would blindside her next.

Joie walked into Mick’s waiting room. Glancing at her phone, she saw it was 3:49 PM. Her appointment was at 4:00. She smiled at her promptness and sat down. She heard murmurs from Mick’s office.

My kingdom for a quiet mind

stillness meditation is the key to harmonyJoie closed her eyes and tried to quiet her mind. Her mind refused. Joie busied herself discovering Mick’s waiting room decor. He was transitioning out of mortgage banking into Spiritual Counseling and Healing. Mick’s waiting room was an eclectic combination of both realms.

Loan brochures and Federal notices were interspersed between statues of Buddha and Kuan Yin. There were also a Yoda quote and an abacus.

When Mick’s office door opened, instead of seeing Mick, Gene walked out. Joie knew Gene from her classes. Surprised to see him, she hugged Gene, exchanging pleasantries. Gene’s eyes were puffy and red. After the hug, Gene sat down. Mick escorted Joie into his office.

Gene asked Mick, “Is it okay to do my journaling here in the waiting room?”

“Yes,” Mick said.

The eye of a hurricane

Gene sat down, pulling a journal from his pocket as Mick followed Joie into the office, closing the door.

Mick’s office was an authentic mortgage banker’s office. There were boxes and file folders everywhere. His office contained three computers, an ancient fax machine, a copier, and rate sheets tucked away everywhere. In the middle of the mess, Mick’s calm demeanor was like the eye of a hurricane.

Mick pointed Joie to the chair next to a table with Kleenex and an unopened bottle of water. He sat in a chair facing her and smiled, saying, “How can I help you Joie?”

Joie smiled back saying, “I have no clue. I’ve never had a reading and I’m not sure how it works. What do you suggest?”

40% spiritual reading and sixty 60% spiritual counseling

“You scheduled an hour, so we have plenty of time to get to everything.” Mick’s face grew calmer and more serene as he explained Joie’s choices. “An hour appointment is typically about forty percent reading and sixty percent counseling. Readings, as you know, are from our spirit guides and teachers or my intuition. Spiritual Counseling is from me. I help you integrate what Spirit shares into your awareness and life. My counseling is based on the spiritual.” Mick paused to see if Joie had any questions.

How we proceed is up to you

a mothers love by ts hallJoie was silent, so Mick continued. “You’re welcome to record the session. There are two ways to begin. We can start with a generalized reading for your highest and best good, or you may choose to ask specific questions. I suggest asking specific questions and here’s why. General readings tend to answer your questions. But after the reading, our mind questions in which area of life to apply the information. I say blah blah blah and your mind hears what it’s conditioned to hear. Our minds have a way of confusing things.”

Mick smiled and continued. “I’ve found that asking specific questions prevents our minds from screwing with the answers, making it easier to integrate the answers into our thinking. And more importantly, into our actions.”

Life readings help you find the right direction

Mick continued, “I call my readings ‘Life Readings.’ My teachers and I help people discover who they are, why they’re here and where they’re going. We help point people in the right direction to learn their spiritual lessons. Once our lessons are completed, we can choose to do some fun extra-credit stuff.”

Reassuringly Mick smiled asking, “How would you like to start?”

Joie sat for a few minutes. She hoped one of the countless thoughts bouncing around her mind would make it to the surface.

She began. “Last week after class,” Joie said in a child-like voice, “I heard my Mother call my name. I heard, ‘How do, Joie d’Sprit.”

Joie connects with her Mamma

Mick listened as Joie described the Spirit of her Mom visiting. Joie spoke for about five minutes and ended with “…and my Mamma told me that I was raised in an ocean of fear and anxiety. That fear was all she’d ever known. And the same was true for her mother and hers before her. I felt a warm embrace as a peacefulness engulfed my body. My Mamma ended by saying she was proud of the woman I’ve become. Then Mamma was gone.”

Mick waited a few moments to see if Joie had more to add. “That’s beautiful. Well done on your accuracy. How can I help?”

“Did it happen, or did I make it all up?” Joie asked.

“Did it feel different than the other memories and dreams you’ve had about your Mother?” Mick asked.

Dammit! Answer my question

a mothers love - dammitAnger came over Joie. She almost blurted out “Dammit, answer my question,” but she felt her Mamma standing next to her. Joie’s Mom placed a hand on her shoulder.

Mick asked, “What are you feeling?”

“My Mamma has her hand on my shoulder. She says she’s proud of me.” Joie reported.

Mick sat quietly allowing Joie to experience her Mother’s Love.

Joie’s Mamma stepped back. Drying her eyes with a tissue, Joie took a deep breath and said, “I never knew until now that my Mom was proud of me. I’ve waited my entire life for her approval. For her love. When she told me about the ocean of fear and anxiety, I got so angry at myself. I’ve blamed her for messing up my life. Now I realize she did the best she could do. I see it’s my responsibility to create the life I want to live. I’m responsible for my happiness.”

Creating an experiential touchstone for the future

Mick asked Joie to take a few minutes to make a mental note of this experience. Then when it feels real, create a touchstone experience or vibration for your future reference. Mick added that he likes to make up a verbal cue to help conjure the touchstone experience. He instructed Joie to add this to her journal and to read it at least once a week for the next three months.

Joie’s demeanor seemed to age 15 years as Mick asked, “What else can I help you with today?”

Joie asked, “How do I let go of the anger and hurt from my past?”

Mick closed his eyes and quoted her teacher Al. “Make a separate journal. Only record things others have done to you that still make you angry, numb, or guilty. Write into this journal a history of everyone who’s hurt you or who you’ve hurt.” Mick, quoting Al, continued, “When you write these stories of your life, do so with the intention of purging them from your mind.”

MawMaw, my Mother’s Mother…

a mother's love. her mothers loveAl continued explaining, “Joie you cherish these memories like a salt and pepper shakers collection.”

Mick opened his eyes to see Joie crying. “Are you okay?”

“MawMaw, my Mamma’s Mother, collected salt and pepper shakers. Everyone brought her shakers from their travels. She had several hundred pairs.” Joie said.

“Any questions for Al?” Mick asked.

“How can it be so easy to let anger and hate go?” Joie asked.

Mick replied, “Al says, yes if you’re willing to let something go, it will go. Like salt and pepper shakers, their value far exceeds their actual cost. And so it is with memories. We add the value and meaning to them, then treat them like our most prized possessions. Rock City shakers are Rock City shakers. Their only value comes from our memories of Rock City or of the person who gave them to us.”

Changing a memory’s meaning changes our past

a mother's love - readmap of self-imageThrough Mick, Al continued. “It’s easy to understand when the memories are fun and positive. It’s difficult when the memories are tragic and bad. Memories are memories. Meaning is meaning. Embrace the memories that make you happy. Change the meaning of the memories that upset you, then let them go. Doing so helps our thoughts stay in the present to create our happiness. By changing a memory’s meaning, we change our past.”

Joie asked, “So I’m supposed to forgive and forget?”

Through Mick, Al replied. “Forgive. Yes. But never forget what you learned from the experience. Change only happens when we change our thinking. Changing our thinking changes our experience of being alive.”

Joie created her emotional roadmaps as a preteen

That clicked for Joie. Her nightmares became roadmaps to her negative self-image. She created these roadmaps as a preteen. Today the wish that “I wish I knew then, what I know now,” happened for Joie. By applying what she knows now to her past, Joie re-contextualized her bad experiences into facts in her autobiography. Joie found peace and comfort. She no longer felt like a victim but like a courageous survivor. Not knowing why, this simple trick seemed very important to her future.

Mick waited for Joie to process the last message.

“Thank you, Al.” Joie whispered.

Are Congratulations In Order?

Joie looked at the clock behind Mick’s shoulder. To her amazement, 50 minutes had already passed.

“One last thing. I’ll make it quick.” Joie said.

“Shoot.” Mick said.

“Samuel asked me to marry him.”

“Are congratulations in order?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know.” Joie said.

“How can I help?” Mick asked.

“Samuel told me he’s had a recurring dream that finally made sense to him.” Joie continued. ‘His dream was about his wife, the mother of his children who until last weekend had remained faceless. Last weekend his dream revealed me to be his wife.”

Joie took a deep breath. She explained Zen Golf and Zen Sex. She also reminded Mick that he’d advised her to pay careful attention to her dreams.

Zen Golf + Zen Sex + crappy pizza

She explained the crappy pizza induced nightmare and how afraid she’d become. She also told Mick about the Reader’s Digest dream class she gave Samuel driving down the hill from Big Bear.

Joie continued, “The night Samuel proposed,we had a romantic meal. Before proposing, he told me about his dream. The dream was his life in reverse order. It starts on his deathbed and goes backward in time to his wedding day. But his bride’s veil was never lifted. They were parents to five kids, three boys and two girls, but in every dream scene his wife’s face wasn’t revealed.”

“Saturday night, Samuel had the same dream but with my face in every dream sequence. Then at the wedding, he was able to lift his bride’s veil revealing me.”

The One

a mothers love - a joie d'sprit storyJoie continued trying to look happy. “Samuel said he knew that I was ‘The One.’ He asked me to marry him but had no ring. He wants to get married this weekend in Vegas after he wins the golf tournament. We’re supposed to go ring shopping tomorrow.”

“What did you say?” Mick asked.

“I didn’t answer. But that didn’t matter. Samuel is acting like I said yes. My question, “Is his dream prophetic? Samuel thinks it is, but I’m not sure.”

“No. Samuel’s dream was not prophetic,” emphasized Mick.

“Why not?”

“The three dreams weren’t the same. The details changed.”

Prophetic dreams aren’t fill in the blank puzzles

“Damn, you’re right. The last dream was different from the previous two because I was in the dream.”

“Exactly. Prophetic dreams aren’t fill in the blank. Our time’s up.” Mick said.

Joie experienced relief when she realized she wasn’t destined to marry Samuel.

__________

Next week: How many times can one person trip over the same rock before changing their ways… Joie’s Dilemma Part Deux.

More Memoirs of a Seeker

About TS Hall

TS Hall is the Stoic Medium, a Spiritualist Minister who is also know as Rev Terry Hall.

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